Month: September 2006

Eight months no smoking. A new record.

http://www.jti.co.jp/sstyle/manners/ad/change/gallery/graphic28.html

http://underheard.org/podcasts/Buffalo_Bayou.xml

Totally gnarly weekly zydeco podcast from KUCI Irvine, complete with Goat Spiel-esque PSAs. Hosted by one who would call himself Jake Bacon!!

http://www.personaldna.com/

“slightly low attention to style”

Everybody likes the slider bars and graphs and juicepipes.

Oh fuck, I hope this doesn’t count as a meme. Communists.

I feel dirty.

Break out the good fish sauce, cuz after after 30 hours with the $450 intro to Oracle CD, I am now authorized to… write SQL queries.

iTunes 7, now with….

Ouch. That’s after a fresh reboot with nothing else open.

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update: Uninstalled UNO and reinstalled itunes and it works again.

Today is Knabenshiessen, a half-day holiday in the Zurich Kanton, for kids to shoot guns. “They use a modern rifle like the one they will later be issued in the army.” Kids running around with these? Man, DNFWCH.

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“If you omit a column name from the column list, Oracle server implicitly inserts a NULL value into that column, provided that column can accept a NULL. If you omit a column that has a NOT NULL constraint, and fail to specify an acceptable value, you receive an error message unless the column has a default value.”

Summary of my Oracle Training CD:

“With Oracle9i, you can fuck a duck using the FUCK_DUCK function. The Oracle9i FUCK_DUCK function is used to a fuck a duck and returns the value of the fucked duck in the format that you specify, in Oracle9i.”

This is accompanied by a Windows 3.1-quality diagram depicting a duck, a green arrow, and an enormous grey cylinder with the word “database” next to it.

Following is an interactive slide where I am forced to type something like this:

SELECT duck_date, FUCK_DUCK(duck_date,’fmDDMMYY’)
FROM duck_table;

There are about 500 of these.

Every once in a while they mix things up and throw in a little quiz just to make sure I’m paying attention:

Identify the function that fucks a duck:

A – FUCK_DUCK
B – LOOSE_GOOSE
C – DADDY_LONGSHANKS
D – RED_GLOWING

Ghort’s Law of Contradictory Asymetric Dressing Protocol holds that a person’s preferred state of public dress (i.e. the clothes that one wears outside of the house or inside the house when other persons are visiting) must consist of, at minimum, one item that covers the full lenth of of each of two appendages of same type and one item that covers less than half of each of two appendages of same type. In other words NONE OF THOSE GODDAMN CAPRI PANTS.