Don’t get me wrong, having an octopus head is definitely in the top 5 of Awesome Animal Heads to Have, but I just don’t understand how cutting out your own heart and putting it in a box earns you immortality, a sailing ship that doubles as an open-air submarine, an awesome pipe organ, and an octopus head. Maybe it’s just that no one had the brass balls to actually try it before, but wow. I’ve been dumped before too dude, but it didn’t make me want to spend the rest of eternity hanging out with a bunch of barnacled assholes on a ship that just goes around ruining everyone’s day.
Also, no one’s buying the whole “so in love with a woman” excuse either. That dude sets of my gay-octo-dar like a pachinko machine.